Things learnt over the past few months

1. Love is not just a four letter word.
2. If you want to enter into a long distance relationship, immediately consider joining a – phone company – like Vodafone or Airtel or get yourself adopted by a millionaire.
3. Remember those women whom you thought had the perfect eyebrows? Not all of them are natural, ok? They apparently get their eyebrows PLUCKED!!!! (Whatever that means, I presume something like plucking an apple off a tree or plucking feathers off a chicken)
4. If you want to enjoy the beauty of women, in general and objectively, do not enter into a relationship. ‘Cause, soon you will start finding flaws in those women, who were your Dream girls even a few days back. For example, Audrey Hepburn was too skinny, Ingrid Bergman was too tall, Smita Patil died too early, Marilyn Monroe was a blonde, Chitrangada Singh doesn’t look as vivacious off screen as she appears on screen, Deepika Padukone is too young, etc etc.
5. Do not try to hide things from your girl – she will find them anyways and if she doesn’t, she will torture you till you start regretting the moment you were born and will anyways blurt things out.
6. Do not blurt out whatever you think to her – she might make you lament over it.
7. If the last two statements seem contradictory, don’t worry, there will be loads of double standards and contradictions. Just learn to live with them and even better, try to enjoy them, like the sacrificial lamb who keeps on chewing grass (the green variety) happily till the moment it is sacrificed.
8. It is not that difficult to open up your feelings in front of someone.
9. Do not expect to hear the magic four letter word too often from her, try acting like a Bedouin in a desert – savour the occasional rain and don’t crib that you are not in Cherrapunji.
10. Whatever she owns, belongs to her, whatever you own also belongs to her. (If she swears that she has not flicked any material belongings of yours, I guess she is completely overlooking the abstract, irreplaceable varieties.)
11. When she says no, sometimes she means yes, and vice versa.
12. Always give undivided attention to her and don't crib that she is not giving it to you – if you complain she is going to kill you.
13. Don’t fret, if you suddenly realize that you are not as good a photographer as you thought yourself to be or not that smart a guy as people claim you are – it is just a natural progression.
14. People will start saying that you are becoming an ‘anti-social’ – don’t worry, they are right – but you can’t do anything about it.
15. If she is cribbing about something, maybe she is not that much bothered by it and it does not make sense to get overtly worried about it just yet – but well, try saying that to her and you have just signed your death warrant.
16. Never try to get one upon her ever, she knows your weak points – you are going to lose anyways- the earlier you learn to surrender, the better for you and you will be at peace with yourself.
17. Start working out and learning lots of stuff – she‘ll expect you to be a porter, an accountant, a cook, a financial consultant, an engineer, an electrician, a plumber, a lawyer and a mercenary – all combined into one.
18. Do not over-react or show that you are jealous if she says that she has a crush on somebody, she may just be testing you, but again- do not act too stoic, she might kill you for being that. However, as advised earlier, DO NOT EVEN TRY TO PULL THIS STUNT over her, unless you want to spend the rest of your life repenting or sipping water and liquid food through a straw.
19. If you are dating a literature student, do not try to act funny by deliberately writing wrong English – she may not see the funny side of it.
20. Gifting her a DVD of the Korean version of My Sassy Girl is a great way of committing suicide, cause after effects may not be nice - she might get new, innovative ideas :).
    
21. If she is complaining that you are not being fair or just, she basically means that you are not giving her a free reign to do whatever she wants to do.
22. It is possible to talk for 3 hours on phone followed by 5 hours of chatting over the net for one month straight at the end of which, even though she will probably be tired of your very existence, you keep on wishing that the days had more than 24 hours so that you could talk or chat for a few hours more with her.
23. Texting over phone is not that strenuous on your fingers, depending on the person you are messaging.
24. She might kill you anyways, but that does not mean you ignore what I have been blurting out for so long. Haven’t you heard this before?– Better be safe than sorry.